


Humanity's Appeal

by castiel_lawrence



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxious Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel Can Hear Longing (Supernatural), Castiel Loves Humanity (Supernatural), Castiel in Purgatory (Supernatural), Castiel's Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester Wing Kink, Castiel/Dean Winchester in Purgatory, Dean Winchester in Purgatory, Dean's Humanity, Destiel - Freeform, Escaping Purgatory, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Angelic Grace (Supernatural), M/M, Mental Link, Minor Violence, No Benny Lafitte, Overstimulation, POV switches occasionally but it's not in first person it's fine it's all fine, Porn With Plot, Protective Dean Winchester, PurGAYtory | The Inherent Homoeroticism of the Purgatory Arc (Supernatural), Sexual Tension, Sharing of Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Smut, Wing Kink, Winged Castiel (Supernatural), damn what a tag, only a little bit tho, oversensitivity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:48:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25325665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castiel_lawrence/pseuds/castiel_lawrence
Summary: Dean and Castiel were separated after they were thrown into Purgatory. Now Cas is left alone with damaged wings, depleted Grace, and a link to Dean's Humanity, calling out to him from the corners of the world. Dean is desperate to find Cas as fast as he can and escape with both of them in one piece.(AKA: Longing, more longing, angst, Cas' wings being sensitive, Dean being protective, etc. etc...)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 60





	1. Across the World

**Author's Note:**

> I'll update this as I write a bit more!  
> I wrote this part awhile ago, so my standards were a bit lower...haha.  
> Either way, I hope you enjoy it!

Purgatory seemed so wide to Dean. He could walk for hours and it wouldn’t seem like he had traveled a mile. Time was as thick as molasses, and it felt even slower. Eternity was an incomprehensible limbo.

Dean fervently denied his helplessness. He kept his beard trimmed and his weapon sharp. He tried not to feel so stuck. Self preservation was the most important thing. Dean watched his back, but he watched himself even more.

He learned not to fear the unknown. Instead, he embraced the mystery. There was only here, only now. Though eternity was abundant, there was no time to dwell on the past or think about the future. 

Stay alive, get home. Keep moving.

Dean refused to be a Monster’s free lunch. If he was going to die here, he was going to go out swinging. He killed everything he saw, regardless if it attacked him or not. Some fought, some fled, but Dean always managed to get the jump on them.

He tried not to think about anyone else. He was better off lonely than dead. The Monsters, the Leviathans… they didn’t care if Dean missed someone. They could smell the Humanity on him, and that made him an easy target. Any abomination would jump at the chance to kill Dean Winchester.

Dean was afraid for Cas. He had run at the first sign of trouble, leaving Dean alone. He was angry, and bitter, and absolutely confounded. Sure, Dean could manage a few Leviathans, but what if Cas couldn’t? 

Dean’s Humanity got the best of him when he first arrived. He searched for Cas for a month, asking every monster where he was before he went in for the kill. There were no answers. He yelled until he drew in Monsters from every corner of Purgatory. There were no answers. He prayed every night, hoping that when he opened his eyes, Cas would be there.

He couldn’t feel Cas, and that was what scared him.  
__________  
Cas, on the other hand, felt everything. He felt too much. Angel radio had no signal in Purgatory, but Dean’s Humanity rang louder than anything else. Cas was sure that he could hear Dean louder than any creature in the place.

It took him a week to cry. He felt Dean’s longing extending from his Humanity, reaching to Cas from the deep corners of his soul. Cas couldn’t hear him, but he felt his pain, physical and emotional, every hour of the day. He felt Dean wish for him to come back, to walk with him: to come home with him. He cried when Dean wouldn’t allow himself to.

It surprised Cas the first time. He had never cried before; his celestial powers could block it out. First came the breath, heavy in his chest, punched out of his lungs. Second came the initial sob; it shook his frame with the force of all his love’s loneliness. Third came the tears, tracking down his face, first in thin lines, then in thick beads that gathered on his lashes until they became too heavy and fell.

He cried for hours.

The moon rose above the trees and cast a faint silver glow across the water. This was Cas’ favorite time of night. It was the limbo between daylight’s last breath and the inhale of the moon upon its awakening. For a few minutes, there was peace across the land. Monsters grew lazy and Leviathans grew confused at the subtle drowsinesses of the day.

Nevertheless, he stayed alert. Cas was a beacon, and he had to be careful. The Monsters, the Leviathans… they didn’t care if Cas was lonely. They could smell the Grace on him, and that made him an easy target. 

At least Dean would be safe.

Cas stayed where he was. He kept himself by the water so he was only accessible on one side. He could rest, and his Grace would wake him at the presence of a Monster. Cas was grateful that the water let him feign safety. If he could lure Monsters in and pretend he was safe, he could pretend Dean was safe too.

The Monsters told him Dean was alive. Cas already knew. He didn’t know exactly where Dean was, but he could feel him. Cas waited for Dean to find him where he was. He wasn’t going to endanger Dean by coming near him on purpose.

Purgatory was making him needy. He could hold his own against any Monster that he crossed paths with, but he longed to see Dean. He wanted Dean to hold him and tell him that everything would be okay.

He wanted to go home.  
__________  
As the sun fell behind the trees, Dean came upon a place to stay for the night. There was a brook by a large tree with winding roots that would hide him from most danger. He shrugged at the uneven ground and tossed his belongings near the tree’s base. Dean dipped his hands into the water and splashed it onto his face. Tranquility was scarce, but he let himself feel it, even if it was just for a moment.

He blinked the water droplets out of his eyes and looked up at the moon. Every time he looked at the moon, he thought of Cas. He remembered Cas telling him how much he loved the moon, how it was a perfect creation of God. 

Dean leaned his head against the tree and stared up at the sky. There were no stars, only sun and moon to tell the passage of day and night. Staring into that indigo, Dean prayed, just as he had the night before.

“Cas? Can you hear me?” he said softly, barely a whisper. “I missed you today.”

“I was just thinking about the moon. And when you told me you thought it was beautiful. You said that you could see it better on Earth than you could from Heaven…”

There was no answer.

“Please, Cas… come back. We can figure this out together. I wanna know why you left…. Please, baby.”

Silence.

“I’m right here. I still love you.”

The night held no answer.

“Can you… can you tell me you’re here? Please… I just- I just have to know.”  
__________  
Cas could feel Dean’s longing pulling at his metaphysical heartstrings. Every word was a tug at his will. He needed Dean as much as Dean needed him, but he couldn’t let mere want interfere with his judgement. That would be foolish. He needed to keep Dean safe. He knew the Monsters told Dean that he was still out there. But he needed Dean to believe it. Cas needed Dean to really believe, to know for certain that he still cared. 

He was already in so much pain. His Grace faded by the hour, leaking from his very core. Each moment he felt Dean’s Humanity took away a bit of that angel will. It made him cry. It made him feel emotions he thought he could never feel. Cas felt all the sorrow in the world at the loss of someone he himself pushed away. Humanity was replacing piety, and it terrified him.

Perhaps the most concerning matter was his wings. The Monsters, Cas, and Dean were now all on the same plane of existence. This otherworldly place allowed everyone and everything to see his wings. Being sucked in to Purgatory damaged his wings so egregiously that he didn’t even want to be seen.

Cas passed through the gates of Heaven and Earth, even Hell, with a door. There were entrances and exits to every place, and he always walked through them with certainty. Something was wrong with the door to Purgatory. He wasn’t supposed to be there, and neither were his wings. The most heavenly part of him was now the most hellish.

Nearly all his feathers on the outer edges were missing, disintegrated and torn off upon entry. The feathers that were still holding on were bloody and matted. The wings hurt to bend at the joints, and there were broken bones interspersed throughout. The longer, thicker feathers gave the wings the appearance of some shape, but Cas could tell they were rendered uneven when he saw his reflection in the water. He tried to keep them from dragging and touching the ground, but it often hurt to keep them outstretched. 

They were so sensitive. In the beginning, every moment was agony. When he first got a moment alone, he let himself shake with fear and feel intermittent waves of pain. He was in too much shock to cry, let alone try to function for awhile. 

The pain had dulled a bit and Cas had learned to live with it. He didn’t like to touch them, but he would occasionally try to doctor them a bit by pulling bloodied feathers. He knew he needed to get rid of the damaged parts to heal faster, but he didn’t have the time, and he was in too much pain to try harder than he already had.

What was a seraph without his wings?

Dean hadn’t noticed in their rush, and if he did, he didn’t mention it. Even the Monsters didn’t mention them. They were more than a vainly viewed blemish; they were a mark on his very existence. He was so repulsive that even the Monsters didn’t want to acknowledge how damaged he was. Before they attacked, they looked at the broken angel with pity, and Cas spat back at their condolences with a swift death. That would end their “sympathetic” glances.

His love for Dean gave him the perseverance to stay in the same place. Love told him to wait patiently, to stay alive until Dean came looking for him. Love assured him that Dean would understand why he left. Love pledged that Dean would care for him despite his damaged wings. He just hoped Dean understood.

With his fading Grace leading his heart, Cas sent his feelings to Dean. He connected Dean’s longing to his own, squirming and reeling, and pulsed his answer straight to Dean. There were no words. There were none that could capture what Cas felt. All that was needed was a piece of himself sent out to Dean through the night.  
__________  
Though he had finished praying, his longing did not disappear. Dean sighed and continued watching the stars. He waited for nothing. He watched for nothing. He listened for nothing.

The night was broken by the occasional scream of a dying Monster, the pitiful end to yet another life. To Dean, the loudest thing in all of Purgatory was his mind.

He was dead, and there was no need for sleep. There was a need for rest, for protection, and Dean spent most of his nights resting. It was a nice reward for fighting and walking all day. He watched for nocturnal creatures, but few attacked during the night. 

None were foolish enough to attack Dean Winchester on his own terrain. He would set up camp with his few belongings and sit near a tree or cave. He strayed from the obvious places and let himself rest long enough to stay alert. He would let his mind go blank, readying himself for the next step in his journey to escape. Dean no longer feared this place, and he was on a quest to conquer it.

In the near silence of the night, Dean felt something inside him stir. An untouched place in his heart churned and his ears rang with a voice he hadn’t heard in a long time. There were no words, just a gentle, high-pitched ringing accompanied by vehement sensation of yearning in his chest. There was a small tinge of physical pain that didn’t come from Dean’s own muscles. 

Dean felt his lungs collapse as he let the feeling overtake him. His skin tingled with the familiar warmth. 

“Cas? Are you there?”

“Are you hurt?”

There was no answer, but Dean didn’t need one. He knew his angel was out there, and he knew he had heard him. Cas needed his help and he was going to do whatever he could to provide it.

“I’m going to find you, Castiel.”

__________  
Cas knew Dean got his message when he started to feel joy again. His whole body felt Dean and his Humanity leap for him, and Cas enjoyed knowing that Dean was safe and wasn’t angry with him.

There was the other side of it, however; Dean was coming. Cas didn’t know from where, or when, or how, but he was coming. 

He resolved to stay where he was, and if Dean wanted to find him, then that was his decision. Cas didn’t know if he would flee or welcome Dean’s presence. He was so embarrassed by his physical condition, but he was starting to accept the fact that he needed help. 

There was a certain part of him that wanted to make it through Purgatory with Dean, but he also knew that and angels and humans alone drew copious amounts of attention here. Purgatory’s most wanted travelling together sounded simultaneously like the best and worst idea.

So, as the sun rose the next morning, Cas gathered his weapons and stood, waiting for the first wave of bad that would come his way. Maybe after a few Leviathans, Dean would be there. Maybe it would be weeks… it didn’t matter. Dean was on his way. When he wasn’t stabbing, or punching, or running, Cas let himself feel the excitement. 

__________  
Dean had spent all night coming up with a plan. He had been looking for a way out, but today, he decided to change his course. He began to head due east of where he originally planned on going, hoping it would shake up the pattern of Monsters and lead him to Cas.

Around what would’ve been an earthly noon, Dean came across a lake. He stared across it and watched the sun flicker across the nearly still water. He glanced over his shoulder to assure he wasn’t being watched or followed, and he knelt beside the lake. 

Dean felt this strange sense of fulfillment, staring across the water. He felt like Cas was close. He let himself sit by the lake for a while for a midday rest.

There was a sudden rustle behind him, quickly approaching. The startled Dean whipped his head around. A Leviathan lunged at him, teeth bared and arms swinging. Dean scrambled for his weapon and stumbled to the side, just out of reach.

He raised his blade and the Leviathan held up his hands in front of his chest. “Hey, man, don’t take it personal. You’ve got a pretty respectful bounty on your head, I’m just here to collect,” the Leviathan grinned. He lunged again, but he was slow, and Dean nicked his side with the blade, just enough to momentarily incapacitate him.

Dean held the blade in front of his chest, pointing it at the Leviathan. “You already know my question. Answer it and I’ll think about letting you live.”

The Levithan laughed a pained, unnatural laugh. “Angel’s the way you’re headed. It’s just a matter of who gets to him first.” The Levithan backed away a few steps. “You, or us.”

More Leviathans emerged from the tree line, gathering around their injured comrade. They seethed with anger and bloodlust, and it looked to Dean like a great time to get out of there. He could take about four Leviathans on his own (after some practice and a couple close calls), but they just kept coming out of the trees until there were around ten.

Dean was trapped between the Leviathans and the water. He couldn’t bolt around them to the left or right, and fighting through them on his own would be impossible. Dean didn’t know how good Leviathans were at swimming, but he would have to hope that they weren’t as fast as him.

Dean dove headfirst into the water without a second thought. He swam as far as he could with his eyes closed. He felt the water ripple behind him as the Leviathans jumped in to follow him. As he ventured on, adrenaline as his main driving force, he seemed to be gaining ground against the Leviathans. 

He decided not to swim across the whole lake, but instead take a hard left to the shore and run around the lake to confuse them. Dean hoisted himself out of the water and watched the Leviathans follow him on the water for a moment to judge their speed. He gripped his blade tighter and bolted.

The Leviathans got out of the water faster than Dean expected, and they saw his plan of evasion. They followed on foot, running faster than Dean could. One of them would catch up eventually. Dean thought of hiding, but he didn’t want to risk being trapped. He thought about going up, but none of the trees around him looked scalable. Dean tried to think as quickly as he could while running through the trees. Twigs snapped under his heavy feet as he began to struggle for breath.

Something deep in his bones told him this was where he died.

His breath hitched and he did the only thing that seemed logical.

He prayed.  
__________  
A voice, distant but panicked, interrupted Cas’ thoughts.

“Cas? I-I promise I’ll - explain everything - I need your help.”

Cas could hear Dean’s labored breathing on the other end, and he knew something would have to be really wrong for Dean Winchester to ask him for assistance.

“Please, I’m in a really tight spot - if there’s anything you can do…”

Cas tried to concentrate. He picked himself up carefully, wincing at the sudden pull of gravity on his wings, and focused on seeing Dean. He squeezed his eyes shut and searched, searched for any possible sign of where Dean was.

He couldn’t see, but he could hear. He heard the familiar echo of shouts in a place he had been before, maybe ten miles south of here. He heard the rustle of leaves under feet and the quickening pace of an enemy-- no, enemies-- not far behind. Once again, he felt Dean’s Humanity, filled with pleading, terrified desperation. 

Cas screwed his eyes shut, attempting to distract himself from the pull of emotion. He resolved to use his depleting Grace to get Dean out of there. In and out, Cas thought. Just a quick teleportation. There and back.

He had to act fast. Cas opened his eyes quickly, and there he was. His Dean, running towards him, chased by a number of Leviathans. Cas gasped for air as he saw the Leviathans and Dean, and he realized the reality of what was happening. Dean looked surprised to see Cas, but he charged the few yards to Cas even faster. He outstretched a hand and Cas did the same, and as soon as they connected, they were back near the water.  
__________  
Dean stumbled forward as he was pulled out of danger, falling to his knees as soon as Cas let go of his hand. Cas collapsed next to him and Dean rolled on to his back to look at the sky.

“Holy shit,” he said when he caught his breath a few moments later. He pulled himself upright and stretched out his aching legs. He chuckled dryly. “That was really something Cas. I almost didn’t think you were gonna come for-”

Dean turned towards Cas, who was lying on the ground next to him. His back was turned towards Dean and his face was curled into his chest. He held his arms across his stomach and shivered. 

His wings.

Dean said nothing.

For a moment, he stared at them. He noticed the matted feathers. He looked at how Cas bent them onto his back to make them smaller. He remembered Cas telling him how sensitive they were. 

Dean thought briefly about how to approach the subject. Cas was obviously upset and embarrassed, but Dean couldn’t imagine the amount of pain he was in. Dean couldn’t see them before, and Cas knew that. He was probably torn up that this was the baseline for Dean’s impression of them.

“Cas, honey, will you look at me?” Dean asked softly, just loud enough for Cas to hear him. “I need to see you.”

Cas hesitated, and then turned to Dean, agonizingly slow. Dean didn’t ask him how he was or if he was hurt; he already knew the answer to both questions. He didn’t have to tell Cas that he missed him. He didn’t know what to say.

“You can say they’re hideous,” Cas said, soft, yet firm.

“What?” Dean shook his head. “No, Cas, I’m just worried.” He reached out to put a hand on Cas’ face but he flinched away. Dean’s heart shattered. “... Do they hurt a lot?”

Cas squeezed his eyes shut and nodded quickly, biting his lip to keep himself from breaking. Dean swore he could see tears welling in his eyes. Cas didn’t cry. He didn’t know Cas could cry. This must be bad.

“Nothing even wants to look at me. Even the Monsters think that I’m unseemly…” Cas shuddered and tried to meet Dean’s eyes. It was natural, but uncomfortable. “I… I can’t heal them. Something’s wrong with me. I believe it’s… it’s my Grace. It’s being taken away.”

Dean furrowed his brow, confused. “Who’s taking it away?” Cas looked down and shook his head. Dean reached for his wrist and spoke softly. Cas trembled at the sudden contact. “Cas, I’m not upset, I promise. Tell me what’s happening, angel.”

Cas sniffled at the nickname. “It’s your Humanity. I can… I can feel it. It’s pulling at me, like we’re connected. I always knew we were, it’s just… here? Your Humanity is so… loud, and I can feel it all the time.” Cas broke into a sob. He found it so hard to articulate the raw emotion that he felt from Dean. Everything about this was painful; he didn’t want to worry Dean, but he knew that Dean needed to understand what he was feeling. “I can feel you all the time. I knew something was wrong and I didn’t want to hurt you by staying-”

“Hey, breathe, Cas,” Dean murmured softly. He traced his thumb on Cas’ wrist as he cried. Cas slowly leaned in and Dean opened his arms to tell him it was okay to come closer. Cas fell into him and twisted his hands into the fabric of Dean’s jacket.

“Dean, Dean…”

He repeated Dean’s name over and over. It was his turn to pray. It was his turn to long. It was his turn to hope Dean understood what he meant, even if he couldn’t find the words for everything. For now, Dean just let him coil into his chest and cry, and he let himself worry for his angel.

“Being away from you… it was hurting me,” Cas admitted. Dean’s Humanity marked Cas as much as Cas had marked him, ever since he pulled him out of the Pit. Somehow, Dean understood that. “I need you here.” Cas bit his lip and inhaled sharply to stop his tears. He leaned up from Dean’s chest and looked him straight in the eyes. “Will you help me, Dean?”

Dean nodded instantaneously. “Yes. Every time.”  
__________  
After Cas had calmed down, there was a bit of an awkward silence. Neither of them were sure what to do. 

“Cas… what do you want to do now?” Dean asked. Cas thought he seemed unsure of how to handle the emotional part of him, so he responded quickly.

“I’d like to return home,” Cas stated, as if it were that easy. “We would move faster if I could teleport, but my Grace has been depleting since we arrived. I can’t regenerate if my wings are damaged, and my wings can’t heal unless they’re cared for… I haven’t had the time to do a thorough examination of my condition. I have realized the obvious problems, however.”

“Which are…” Dean pondered, still not completely grasping the angel part of Cas.

“Well, the initial harm done to them when we were pulled here caused feathers to fall off, along with numerous contusions to the outer layers of skin… and there are a few broken bones and torn ligaments. It seems my continued neglect has rendered my abilities fairly useless.”

“Do they hurt to move?” Dean asked tentatively. Cas nodded. “Then we should start getting you healed up right away,” Dean said, not knowing how to start. “Is there a way we can speed up your healing process?”

“I have to start pulling feathers.” Cas winced at the thought. “All the bloodied ones. And I might have to set some of the bones back in place myself since my Grace can’t do it for me.” 

“I can help,” Dean said, immediately ready to get to work. Cas shook his head self-consciously. “No?”

“It’s… a little embarrassing. I’d prefer to handle this matter alone for now…” 

Dean nodded, understanding. “Well, it seems you’ve got yourself a fairly private place. I can stand watch while you take some time for yourself. Does that sound okay?”

Cas agreed and allowed Dean to lead him behind a tree, out of sight from the clearing. He was sheltered by Dean on one side and the water on the other. Cas felt safer than he had in weeks. Although he was about to go through the most humiliating process ever, at least he was doing it protected and alone. 

Cas quickly got to work. He brought his left wing to his lap and set it down tenderly. He searched for a bloodied feather, which wasn’t hard to find, and pinched two fingers around it, near the base. He closed his eyes and tugged, pulling the feather out at the root. Cas let out a small, defeated noise of pain. He inhaled sharply.

Yes, it hurt to pull the feathers out, but Cas had experienced the pain before and after small incidents throughout his life. It was the shame that came with being out in the open and the possibility of being heard by Dean that weighed on him. 

He made quick work of all the feathers he could reach, and by the time he was done, Cas was a bit shaken, exhausted from the torment. There were still feathers that he couldn’t get to but needed to remove. 

He couldn’t believe what he was about to do.

“Dean?” he called, leaning out from behind the tree. “Can you come here, please?”

Dean took one last survey of the area and turned to check on Cas. “Everything okay?”

“Um, yes…” Cas said. This was going to take more humility than he thought. “There’s just some feathers that I can’t reach… Can you assist me? Please?” he said quickly.  
__________  
“Of course, Cas.” Dean knelt behind him. He placed a single hand on the top of Cas’ wings, where there were the most feathers, to get him used to the sensation of Dean’s hands on his wings. Cas shuddered. “Is this okay?”

Cas nodded. “Just sensitive,” he blurted. Dean couldn’t see his face, but he saw Cas’ jaw shut tight, embarrassed at his own forwardness.

“It’s alright,” Dean said, with a smile in his voice as he stroked. Everything was quiet, and it seemed, even if just for a moment, they were alone. Though slightly damaged, the feathers were the softest things he’d ever felt in his life. Soft down protruded in short, wispy hairs at the base of the feathers. The longer fibers of the larger feathers were thick and velvety, and Dean smoothed them down with care.

When Dean moved to what was left along the coverts, Cas’ wing twitched suddenly. Dean moved his hand back when Cas let out a small sound of resignation.

“You alright, baby?” Dean asked. He didn’t chastize or ask any other questions, and Cas once again felt a sense of safety return to him. Cas tried to nod and level his breathing. “Did I hurt you?”

Dean did the opposite of hurt him. To have Dean here, touching his wings, the most personal and powerful part of him, drove him absolutely wild. He felt a strange lust rise deep down inside, but he was mostly distracted by how calm he felt. He was safe. Dean would never hurt him, not on purpose.

“No. That feels better, actually. Relaxing,” Cas said, his tone of voice betraying his actual words. “You can… you can start pulling now.”

Dean murmured in acceptance and gently moved a layer of feathers to reveal a section of bloodstained ones near the middle joint of Cas’ wing, higher than he could comfortably reach on his own. Cas closed his eyes as he felt Dean wrap his finger around a feather. He pulled, and Cas gasped sharply. The feather didn’t come out.

Cas gritted his teeth. “Harder. It’s alright.” Dean reached his other hand around to Cas’ lap and Cas took his hand. He felt like a child, but he stopped caring when Dean did pull harder, ripping the feather out of its root. It didn’t feel comfortable, but at least it didn’t feel worse than when he had to pull them out by himself.

“Thank you,” Cas mumbled, squeezing Dean’s hand.

Dean continued for awhile, and he became surprisingly efficient around the eighth or ninth feather. He was very meticulous. He found and removed all the imbrued feathers he could get to on both wings, making his way inward towards Cas’ back.

By the time he reached Cas’ scapular, near his shoulder blade, Cas was trembling. Dean didn’t pry, he just moved with gentle purpose, only causing Cas to squirm more. 

When Dean pulled a feather near the place where wing met skin, Cas dropped his head and gasped out a distressed, “Please…”

“What’s that?” Dean leaned over his shoulder. 

“Please… they’re really sensit- that really hurts…” Cas said in a hushed voice. He was absolutely mortified. Usually, it felt good when Dean touched his back around that area, even if only in passing. That sensitivity was usually welcome. Pulling the feathers there was borderline torture. Each tug set his whole spine on fire.

“I’m right here, baby. I’m almost done. Just a few more by your back and I’ll be done, okay?” Cas nodded swiftly. He just wanted to get it over with. 

“Okay.”

Dean wrapped his hand around the base of a thick, velvety, crimson feather. Dean spoke low and hushed, and Cas could hear the worry in his voice. “I’m gonna count it down, okay? Three, two, one.” Dean wrenched the feather out of the scapular and Cas cried out, clasping a hand over his mouth. 

“Oh my God,” Dean said in a panicked tone. He leaned back as Cas attempted to calm himself down. “Cas, honey, I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t,” Cas said sharply, raising a hand. Dean recoiled. Cas immediately regretted it. “Sorry, that was rude…”

“No, no, don’t worry about it. I know it’s really painful. I’m almost done, I’m so sorry, Cas. Almost done...” Dean smoothed his hand over where he pulled the feather out and Cas nearly sank through the dirt. “Ready?”

Cas nodded. He braced himself as Dean counted down again. 

“Three, two, one.” Cas yelped. Dean let the feather fall to the ground as he rubbed Cas’ back affectionately. He gave Cas a little time to recover. “Only about five more, Cas. Almost finished, you can do it.”  
__________  
Dean pulled out the last feather and Cas only made a short noise of protest. “All done,” he nearly whispered. He stood and walked around one of Cas’ wings to sit in front of him. “Doing okay?”

“Thank you,” he breathed. Cas didn’t look at him. Dean hated seeing Cas so upset. He didn’t mind helping Cas with private matters; that’s what people who love each other do. Part of him was able to empathize with how Cas felt. It was probably hard to share something that private with another person, especially when that part of you was damaged. Cas said that even the Monsters thought his wings were ugly, but even damaged, Dean thought they were amazing.

The feathers that were left caught the dim sunlight in them. There was a faint glow to them that Dean couldn’t explain if he tried. The down and the skin beneath was softer than anything Dean had ever felt in his life. They were beautiful. Cas was beautiful.

“Cas… I’m really happy I could help. I know it was tough and I’m glad you trust me.” Cas continued to avoid his gaze. “I think you’re beautiful.”

Cas looked up, startled at the compliment. Dean had never said that to him. Cas assumed from the way he looked at him that Dean thought he was attractive, but Dean never verbally confirmed his belief.

“What am I supposed to say to that?” Cas said. “They look horrendous.” 

“I’m not talking about your wings. I’m talking about you. And even if you’re hurt, I don’t care what you look like. You will always be beautiful to me.” Dean felt like he was on his deathbed, making his final confessions. Besides taking care of the people he loved, wordlessly, he didn’t do much of the touchy-feely stuff. “But really, are you holding up okay?”

Cas nodded. “I’m already starting to feel a little better, and the bones feel like they’re setting themselves back into place. The pain is less sharp; only the muscles are straining.” Cas gast his glance towards his left wing and stretched it out, scrunching up his nose as he did so. The tip of it blocked the sun and soft rays shone through the feathers, making them glow more than they already did. Dean nearly lost his mind.

He inhaled through his teeth. “That’s good then. Do you know how long we’ve been here?”

“I’m not certain, but I suppose it’s been about two hours,” Cas explained. “We should probably move. We’re both in danger. We can’t stay in one place for so long.”

“I guess you’re right,” Dean agreed, standing up. He reached out a hand to Cas and pulled him up. He looked a little out of it, but Dean was sure he was just tired. “Are you sure you don’t want to rest?”

“I’m sure,” Cas said, nodding. “But… where do we go? Are we just going to wander around looking for a way out?”

“We won’t be wandering. I have a good idea of where the exit is based on what a few different Monsters told me. We can go through it since we don’t... belong here. I was going to find you and then head back topside.”

“How long do you think it’ll take us to get there?”

“I’m not completely sure, but I’m guessing it’s about eight days that way.” Dean pointed to the northwest. Cas’ shoulder’s sunk slightly. “What is it?”

Cas shifted his glance for a moment. “I’m not sure if I’ll be healed up by then… going through the exit… it could rip my Grace out. Or kill me.”

Dean figured that this shouldn’t be news to him. Cas had been at full power and became severely damaged when entering. What would happen when he was weak upon exiting. “How long do you need to get juiced up?”

“I’m not certain, but don’t think that eight days will be enough time to fully restore my Grace. I might be powerful enough to get to the other side alive, but I’ll need more time if you don’t want to trouble yourself with me when I’m under the…” Cas explained, struggling through the idiom.

Dean chuckled and took Cas’ hand. “It’s under the weather, Cas. As long as we can get out of here with you safe, I don’t care how long it takes. And if you get hurt again, I promise I’ll be there. And you know a Winchester promise ain’t for nothing.”

Cas laughed. “And I promise I won’t desert you again. It was wrong for me to flee when you were in danger. I apologize.”

“I forgive you,” Dean said, taking Cas’ other hand in his. “I understand why you did. Let’s just focus on moving forward, okay?” Dean started to lean his head in.

“Mhmm…” Cas closed his eyes and nodded wistfully. 

Their lips connected, and Dean felt the same thing he had when Cas sent out a bit of his Grace to him. Here he was, giving yet another piece of himself to Dean. Dean almost wanted to chastise Cas for wasting a part of his Grace on him, but Dean understood how important this was for him. He always gave so much. His loyalty was the most beautiful quality he possessed.  
__________  
Cas had to make a conscious effort not to buckle at the knees when Dean kissed him. As soon as their lips touched, Cas felt that indescribable surge of Dean’s Humanity pulling at his body. He wanted to stay like this forever. He wanted Dean to touch him more than he already was, pulling at his hips to draw him in. So Cas leaned closer and threw his hands around Dean’s shoulders. Though they were similar in height and build, Cas felt so small against him. He didn’t hate the feeling. Cas wanted Dean to wrap him up and hold him until his Humanity made its way into his bloodstream. He just wanted Dean.

He would give up every ounce of his Grace for Dean, and that was _his_ Winchester promise.


	2. I Will Take You With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas make their way through Purgatory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back :)  
> I hope y'all are doing well, enjoy today's chapter!

Somewhere in the heat of the moment, there was a swishing noise to their left. They pulled apart quickly and Dean scrambled behind the tree to retrieve his weapon. Cas immediately shrunk his wings as Dean raced back to him.

“Shhh...” Dean hushed. 

Cas pointed to a small area of trees to their left. Covered by the lake behind them and certain of the noise’s origin, they turned to face whatever threat was concealed by the foliage. 

All of a sudden, the creature darted out of the bushes, running the other direction from Dean and Cas. Dean took a few steps forward, gradually picking up speed. Cas lunged after him.

“Let him go, Dean, he doesn’t want trouble.” Cas said, trailing Dean. Dean stopped in his tracks and turned back to Cas.

“Why? He’s a Monster. He could come back for us,” Dean said, more confused than annoyed. “You said things will be tracking us. We should get rid of everything we see, right?”

“He was smart,” Cas smiled. “He came after us because we were the first thing he saw, but then he realized we’re stronger together.” Cas’ smile faded. He had been mistaken. “I think I was wrong before.”

“Cas, we’re the biggest moving landmark in all of Purgatory. That’s dangerous for you,” Dean said, his brow furrowing in concern. “I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“It’s dangerous for you too,” Cas said, starting to walk past Dean. “Besides, I’ve got some of my energy back.”

“Where are you going?”

“Home.” Unlike Dean, Cas feared the unknown, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t risk it all to get back to Earth.

Dean laughed. “You’re crazy.”

Cas turned to look at Dean, walking backwards. “Are you coming with me, Dean?”

“Of course I am, dumbass.” Dean said, following Cas northwest.  
__________  
Dean and Cas travelled towards the exit for about five days. There were minimal attacks from Purgatory’s more permanent residents, all handled with swift ease by Dean. 

“How are you holding up, Cas?” Dean asked, offering support as they walked.

“I’m doing fine. My Grace seems to be recharging, but I still need a little more time,” Cas answered, eyes forward, scanning the forest. “If I can be of use, please let me know.” Dean only nodded in response.

Dean knew Cas was feeling quite useless. Every Monster that came, Cas would stand at the ready, waiting to get a hit in, but Dean wanted him to heal. To smite and kill with just his hands, he needed his Grace, and he was still weak. He was doing better, but Dean was concerned about him being at his best when they needed to leave.

On the sixth day of travel, Dean and Cas were resting as the mid-morning sun reached its highest peak through the trees, catching Cas’ feathers in the light. “Hey, look at that, babe,” Dean said, touching the end of Cas’ wing gently. “Your feathers are starting to grow back.”

In all the areas where Dean pulled out feathers, the tips of newly grown down were starting to poke through. Dean continued to touch the underside of one of Cas’ wings.

There was so much connection emanating from this simple act of touch. It wasn’t overly sensual or prying, but Cas could feel the hum of Dean’s Humanity in every feather that he stroked. He could feel Dean’s admiration of his wings, as well as his want for him to get better. Cas flinched away, a bit red in the face.

“I don’t understand.” Dean stopped touching, worried that he’d hurt or upset his angel.

“Can you feel my Grace?” Cas asked quietly.

Dean shook his head. “Not when I’m touching your wings.” Cas frowned. “But I can feel it when I kiss you. Or like when you answered my prayers.”

Cas was, frankly, frustrated that Dean didn’t feel his Grace. Their love was the same, but Dean’s perception was ever so slightly different. Dean’s love had a sacrificial, protective nature to it that Cas could feel at every hour of the day. Cas’ love was more open, ready to please and serve when needed. Nevertheless, Cas wasn’t stupid. He loved Dean, and he had time and time again given him everything he had. Cas wasn’t helpless. He could figure out how to get through to Dean.

“What are you curious about, Dean?” Cas asked, and Dean scoffed. “You have a question. I can feel it. ”

“What does it feel like? My Humanity…?” Dean wondered aloud, hesitant.

Cas scrunched his face up in thought. “It feels like you. I don’t know how else to explain it… it’s just everything that makes you… you… It’s like your soul, almost, but a bit different. On Earth, I can see your soul as much as anyone else’s, but here? I can’t see it. I can only feel you.”

“So, you feel everything I feel? Is that how that works?”

“When we were apart, I could. Now I suppose I don’t need to because I can see you. I can understand better. At least I try to,” Cas explained. He let his tone go quiet. “I could feel how much you missed me. It… it made me cry. I didn’t know I could cry.”

“I wanted to cry. I guess you did it for me,” Dean said, reaching over to run a hand through Cas’ hair. “I know it’s a lot. Thank you.” 

“I love you, Castiel.” It was true. Every part of him knew it. 

“I already know. Your Humanity told me,” Cas whispered. He didn’t want anyone else to hear it but Dean. “I love you, Dean.”  
__________  
After lying on the ground for far too long, Dean rose and decided they should get a move on. 

“It’s late afternoon. We should travel overnight since we’ve been resting all day.” He held out a hand for Cas to take, which he accepted. “Have you ever travelled at night before?”

Cas shook his head. “No. I always thought it would be more dangerous.”

“It’s not as bad as you would think. Most Monsters have the same idea as us. They think it’s better to hunt during the daylight. Except werewolves, but we can handle those easily.”

“I’m not so sure…”

“It’ll be fine, Cas,” Dean reassured, swinging his weapon over his shoulder. “We can handle it.”

Honestly, Cas didn’t know if they could handle it. He knew Dean could handle Monsters, but he wasn’t so sure about himself. The uselessness was starting to wear down on him. Cas needed Dean to stop pretending like they were a team if he wasn’t going to let him fight.

“Let me help.”

“Cas…”

“I’m serious.”

Dean sighed. “Fine. But I’m not gonna let you use your Grace, understand?” Cas nodded. Dean looked around. “You’re gonna need a weapon.”

Dean started to walk into a clearing up ahead. “Dean, what are you-”

“Come and get me, you pricks!” Dean yelled, spreading his arms wide. “Free lunch, baby!”

Cas hightailed after him. “Are you insane?!” 

“Just go with it. Ah, there we go! Stay behind me.” Cas obeyed.

A rustle from behind the trees caught their attention. Dean swiveled to face whatever he invited to wrestle with him. Three shapeshifters emerged from the tree line. One of them carried a weapon similar to Dean’s. 

“Hey, fellas, mind if I borrow that?” Dean took a fighting stance in front of Cas and gestured towards the blade with his elbow.

“No games, Winchester,” the shifter with the blade snarled. He let a smirk cross his face. “Maybe I could trade you for the angel!”

The shifters laughed, but Dean lunged forward with a shout, cutting off the third shifter’s head in one fell swoop. They turned sinister once again, playing defense until Dean made the next move. He landed a kick to the kneecap of the first shifter to knock it to the ground, opening up the second to attack. He struck it in the heart with the blade, mortally incapacitating it, then cut off the head for good measure. 

The shifter with the blade swung at Dean’s leg from his place on the ground, slicing through the skin of his shin. Dean grunted in pain, but still managed to chop the axe-head of his blade down on the throat of the shifter. 

“That oughta do it.” He panted, prying the blade from the shifter’s hand. He held it out to Cas, who took it without a word.

“Fuckin’ shifters. They’re stupid when they don’t go walking around in someone else’s skin,” Dean said, wiping the dirt from his forehead. He took a step and winced slightly at the pain.

Cas reached out to Dean. “Let me help-”

“No, no, it’s just a scratch, I’m fine,” Dean said, continuing to limp forward. “Come on, slow poke.”

Cas knew Dean wasn’t going to let him heal him of his own free will. Dean Winchester never asked for help, especially not from a broken angel. Cas, feeling much better and bolder, than he had a few days ago, jumped on top of Dean from behind, startling him enough to knock him to the ground.

“Cas, what the hell?!” Dean said, struggling to get his bearings under Cas.

“Hold still.” Cas scooted down to Dean’s legs and held the wounded one down, letting his Grace flow through the cut.

Though Dean immediately felt better now that he was healed, he scowled at Cas, who was already standing up to continue their journey. He looked like he was thinking about whether to be angry or not. “You’re an idiot. Thank you.”  
__________  
Dean was full of energy from the shot of Grace to his leg, and he used that energy to worry, internally and externally, about Cas. When Cas strayed too far ahead or behind, he rushed or slowed to match his pace, uncertain about the angel’s condition. They travelled silently through Purgatory as the trees slowly grew denser.

Cas was keeping a fairly good pace himself. He seemed to be healing nicely and Dean could tell he was very happy to have his company. Whenever there were sudden noises or he was afraid, Cas instinctively walked closer to Dean. 

However, Dean was still worried about Cas’ wings. The ends dragged on the ground on uneven terrain, and Cas seldom lifted them. Dean had no idea if it was easier to travel this way or if Cas wasn’t moving them because of some kind of pain. The feathers were growing back fuller now and they were still damaged, but to Dean, they were effortlessly beautiful.

Cas stopped. “Did you hear that?” he said quietly, holding his blade at the ready, holding a hand out in front of Dean for his protection and his own reassurance.

“Hear what?” Dean said. Cas gestured in front of them, and Dean listened harder. “I don’t hear anything.”

Cas furrowed his brow and shook his head. “It’s probably nothing.” He continued walking, and Dean followed. “I’ll stay sharp.”

A few minutes of walking later, Dean noticed that the trees were becoming more sparse. “I think there’s a clearing up ahead.” He took a moment to look at his surroundings more carefully. “Going through instead of around looks to be the quickest option. Ready?”

Cas nodded, and Dean darted forward into the clearing, his quiet footsteps leading a path for Cas to follow. They were about halfway through the clearing when Dean heard Cas calling out in protest.

“Dean, stop!” Cas said as quietly as he could to get Dean’s attention. They both paused in the middle of the clearing. “I hear talking up ahead.”

“Can you hear what they’re saying?” Dean asked. “What are they?”

Cas closed his eyes, squinting as he concentrated. Dean couldn’t hear any voices at all, but Cas’ enhanced hearing must’ve picked them up. “I think they’re Leviathans,” he answered, returning to his intense concentration. “They’re talking about… guarding something. I can’t figure out what yet.”

At this moment, Dean remembered they were out in the open. “If we go somewhere safer can you keep listening?” Cas nodded, still absorbed in his task. 

As Cas held a hand over one ear, Dean led him to a small outcropping in the trees to serve as temporary shelter. The two sat on the ground for a while in silence. Dean watched Cas as he listened, his eyes searching beneath his eyelids.

“Do you hear-”

“Shhh,” Cas hushed sharply. “Sorry. It’s mostly nothing. I’m still trying to figure it out.”

Dean allowed him some more silence.

An hour passed. 

No words.  
__________  
_... weaker than me. So I took him out easily._

_Yeah, right._

_’S true. Not all vampires are hard to catch. And they make a pretty good meal if they’ve been eatin’ good themselves._

Cas had been listening to the Leviathans talk for about two hours now, and nothing they were saying was useful. Nevertheless, he kept his focus. Something in his very soul told him to keep listening. Under Dean’s attentive eyes keeping watch, he honed in on the group of Leviathans once again.

They were silent, for once. The pause in their useless rhetoric was refreshing.

_Shame we can’t go through._

_Eh, this place isn’t so bad. Not once you get used to it Plus, we’ve got our very own chance at killing Dean Winchester._

There was laughter. Cas froze.

_I know he’s coming for it. I’ll be right here waiting for him._

“Dean,” he breathed out, low and panicked. The other voices faded. “The exit. They’re guarding the exit.”

“Holy shit,” Dean said, matching Cas’ low voice. “It’s not far?”

Cas shook his head, a smile creeping into his voice. “Not more than a couple miles.”

Dean laughed breathily and stood. “What are we waiting for?” He cast a glance to the sky. “We’ve still got some day left, we can make it there and get out of here before tomorrow!”

Cas could barely contain his excitement. “I think we can. Let’s get moving, then.”

“Yes. Wait,” Dean said, suddenly coming out of his elated stupor. “Are you okay to get through the exit? Are you healed enough?”

“I’m certain of it,” Cas said, nodding firmly. “I’m prepared to go through this time, and I have you with me.”

“And I’ve got you.” Dean smiled. “It won’t take long to walk, but once the Leviathans see us they’re going to attack. We have to be ready. How many do you think there are?”

“I don’t believe there are very many. Maybe four at the most?”

Dean chuckled. “Idiots. They think we can’t hand four of those fucking bastards?” 

“We should still be careful.”

With certain hearts and careless minds, Dean and Cas travelled onward, walking with more purpose than they had in the past. Cas imagined he was walking towards his new life. Perhaps Purgatory was his penance. He had made so many mistakes. He had wronged his family in so many ways. He was grateful for this fresh start.  
__________  
Dean’s anxiety grew larger and larger as they continued. His heart pounded with terror and excitement. Where was Sam? Would he be glad to see Dean again? Where would they go? How would he make up for the pain and horror that Purgatory brought Cas?

“It’s alright,” Cas said. His remark visibly surprised Dean. “We’re almost home. Don’t worry.” One more perk of Cas’ relationship to his Humanity: his emotions were already articulated for him.

Dean was going to give him everything. 

“Hey, Cas,” Dean started, looking intensely at him as they walked. “When we get home, I’ll do anything for you. I want to give you the fucking world.” Dean inhaled sharply, trying to find the words. “I don’t want to hide anymore. I love you…” He paused. “I know it sounds stupid-”

“No, Dean. It’s not stupid,” Cas interuptted. “I already have the world.”

Against his better judgement, Dean smiled to himself. He was Cas’ world. Cas laughed, looking away from him. 

“What?” Dean objected, laughing along with Cas.

“You’re happy. I can feel it too. I like it when you’re hap-” Cas stopped abruptly, his footsteps halting with his voice. “Something’s here.”

Dean said nothing, and instead looked around for any signs of danger. He gripped his Blade tighter in his hand. He silently moved closer to Cas, a promise of mutual protection. “What is it?” he mouthed.

“Leviathans,” Cas mouthed in return, a look of panic rushing across his face. “Too many.”

As he spoke, a Leviathan threw himself out of the brush behind Cas. Dean’s eyes widened as he yelled incoherently, driving himself into action. Dean grabbed Cas firmly by the arm and flung him behind him to safety. He swung at the quickly approaching Leviathan with the Blade, cutting off it’s head in one smooth stroke. 

He turned to Cas, who was nearly paralyzed by fear. He stared past Dean and blinked. When Dean turned back around, more Leviathans came out of the brush. Five, six, seven, eight... more than they could handle alone.

“Dean!” Cas yelled, bringing his attention back. He reached out a hand and Dean took it without question. 

Dean lost his bearings for a moment as Cas teleported them behind the Leviathans. “Run!” he shouted to Dean, and he obeyed. 

The sound of the Leviathans chasing after him and Cas made Dean run faster than he thought he could. Twigs from bushes and trees along the path scratched at their ankles and arms as the Leviathans grew closer. Cas kept pace beside him, though he looked weaker than he had a few moments ago.

Dean pushed away the thoughts of Cas being in danger long enough to let the reality of the situation sink further into him. All that was on his mind was the exit. He would do anything to get Cas home safe.  
__________  
Cas’ legs were starting to tense with the physical exertion. Just a little more, he told himself, trying to match pace with Dean. The spying and the teleportation had worn on his body, and he wasn’t sure if he was going to make it through the exit alive.

The Leviathans were approaching faster now, snarling as their feet pounded with a fury most Monsters could only dream to achieve. It took a lot to scare Cas, but at this moment, he was filled to the brim with anxiety. Nevertheless, he pushed his mind and body to their limits, letting Dean’s footsteps guide his path. 

After a few minutes of chase, Cas saw a glowing blue light up ahead. His head snapped over to Dean and he leaned into his motion, adrenaline pumping through his veins. The light ahead flickered softly, and Cas heard Dean cheer in surprise.

They burst through the tree line to reveal the portal, nestled between rocks on the side of a hill. The base of the slope was guarded by four more Leviathans, and they were headed straight towards them. 

Dean and Cas skidded to a stop as the other group of Leviathans approached. They were flanked on both sides; there was no choice but to fight their way out of this. 

Dean didn’t wait for them to close in. He went towards the small group first, and Cas covered him from behind. Cas moved instinctively; his angel senses were sharp, even if he was weak. He heard nothing but the snarling of the Leviathans in front of him and Dean fighting viciously behind him.

“Cas, follow me!” Dean yelled, and Cas whipped around to look at him. The four Leviathans were dead, and that left eight behind them. “We’ve got the high ground now, let’s go!”

Cas followed as Dean rushed up the rocky hill. The exit began flickering more violently as they approached. The wind was picking up due to the force, kicking dirt into their eyes. Dean squinted at the portal. “What’s happening?!”

“It knows we’re here to escape! We have to hurry!” Cas said hoarsely. Dean nodded, understanding quickly. He cast a concerned glance in Cas’ direction, momentarily concerned at his condition.

He jumped to Cas’ level, turning on the Leviathans. “Just a little more. Come on, Cas,” Dean said. A Leviathan lunged up from the ground and Dean kicked it in the chest, knocking it back into another. Cas raised his blade two and began swinging anywhere he could. It was bloody and gruesome, but Cas didn’t care. They were so close. There were only five left.

Dean fell to the ground as Cas decapitated another Leviathan. His blade was knocked out of his hand and down the hill. Sensing the fear in his Humanity, Cas yelled his name and threw him his own blade. Dean grabbed it and punctured the Leviathan’s side. Cas thrust his hand forward at a Leviathan making its way to him and killed it with his Grace. Three more.

Dean swiped the blade through the neck of the Leviathan that was pinning him down. Another came at him from the side, and he elbowed it in the chest, launching it back enough for him to swivel around and cut it’s head off as well. 

Cas faced his final Leviathan, breathing heavy as he tried to muster the energy to kill it. He raised his arm, expecting Grace to flow through it, but he only felt a weak pulse. The last Leviathan wrestled Cas to the ground and opened it’s jaws. Cas landed wrong on his right wing, and he felt the muscles at the point of impact tense as the rugged terrain pulled out a group of feathers. He shrieked and attempted to reorient himself. Hearing his cry, Dean threw himself onto the Levithan, knocking it off of Cas to promptly cut off its head.

The only sound was their panting from the exertion. 

Though Dean could barely stand himself, he offered a hand to Cas, who graciously took it. His knees shook as he stood. Dean hooked his other arm under Cas’. 

“Hey, hey, everything alright?” Dean said, hurriedly, wanting to believe that everything was.

Cas tried to get his head straight, but he could barely answer. “The exit…” he muttered, gesturing vaguely. It flickered more intensely than it had before. “We have to go now.”

“Not if you’re going to die. I won’t let it happen-”

“I’ll take that risk,” Cas said, looking at Dean, his gaze searing into his eyes. “You don’t deserve to be here.”

Dean bit his lip. 

“I don’t wanna live in a world without you, Cas.” 

“Dean, look around. More things will be coming for us soon if we don’t go. Now. This is no world to live in. I don’t want this for you…” His mistakes had caused Dean so much pain. “I deserve to die for how I betrayed you. I left you behind. It’s time you returned the favor.”

“No, no, Cas, come on! I don’t blame you. You weren’t in your right mind, and I know that.” Dean shook his head, hesitantly looking at the portal.. We don’t have time to argue, we have to go!” 

Dean practically dragged Cas to the portal. Cas grunted in protest as he tried to escape Dean’s grasp. Dean let go of his arms and grabbed Cas’ hand instead. 

“Come with me,” he said firmly. 

Once again, Cas felt the longing. That void that laid in Dean’s heart when he was gone appeared in his Humanity again, and Cas felt every shred in his failing body.

“Dean-” he pleaded.

“No. Come with me.”

Though he feared for his life, Cas nodded. His hesitation erased itself as Dean pulled him in. The portal shut behind them, and for a moment, there was nothing. 

For a second, Cas felt like he was swimming alone in the abyss with no one to guide him. 

The next second, there was a searing pain as whatever force that pulled him out of Purgatory recognized his angelic nature. 

The next second, there was Dean.

His Humanity wrapped itself around Cas, and he was certain he was safe. Dean had always promised to protect him. Cas was sure that this wasn’t a conscious decision, but it was in Dean’s very nature to keep him safe. He loved him so much that it was embedded into his metaphysical behavior. Cas closed his eyes and saw the same blackness as he did when they were open, but it was one he chose. It was one with Dean.

Cas could feel himself becoming dizzy, falling in open space, but he wasn’t afraid. He knew Dean had him. Comforting arms reached under his own, holding him up as he descended into the blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope you enjoyed! (If you didn't that's alright too, lol) I'm going to try and update soon in the future as my mental health permits. I really forgot how much I enjoyed writing! Sending good vibes your way and praying that season 15 is not too far away!


	3. And We Will Never Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas begin to readjust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around! Much love

Dean was spat out of the exit rougher than he would’ve liked. He lost his footing and felt his shoulder hit the pavement before he even opened his eyes again. He heard a sound like a generator shutting down and the portal closed, zipping up Purgatory, barring it from the rest of the world.

Looking around and trying to regain his bearings, Dean realized he was in an alleyway. It was covered in bright graffiti, the dimming sunlight casting shadows upon the corners of the bricks. Cas was lying under where the portal closed, unmoving.

His head spinning, Dean rushed to his side, turning Cas so that his back was flat on the ground. He squinted and placed his fingers to Cas’ neck, exhaling in relief when he felt a pulse. 

“Damn it, Cas, wake up,” he said, shaking Cas’ shoulders. “Come on, we gotta move.”

Cas groaned a bit, his eyes adjusting to the earthly sunlight. He coughed, his body curling in on itself as he woke.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Dean said, pulling Cas into an upright position. “We’re safe now, I’m gonna take care of you.”

“Dean, your soul. I can… I can see it again…”

“Shhh, Cas, shhh. Save that energy.” Dean knew it was true; they were safe, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. “Can you stand?” Cas nodded, and Dean helped him up, but he could tell Cas’ knees were shaking. “Come on, baby, you’ve got this.”

“Dean-” Cas mumbled, inhaling sharply. “I need- I need help-”

“-I know, Cas. Let’s get somewhere safe first, okay? I don’t want you to wear yourself out.” Dean walked down the alleyway and peaked out into the street, holding up Cas as they walked. 

“Hey, look, there,” Dean said, gesturing towards a Motel 8 sign in the distance. “Can’t be more than a few blocks.” Cas didn’t respond. Dean decided it was best to keep moving. He pushed his concerns to the back of his mind. 

At the end of the first street, Cas’ knees buckled and his breath heaved. He tried to walk of his own accord again, but Dean just picked him up, holding Cas tight to his chest, whispering soft words of encouragement.

“Almost there, Cas. It’s gonna be okay.” Cas gripped him tightly. “Good, Cas. Stay with me.”

When Dean entered the motel, Cas in his arms, the young woman behind the front desk looked up to assist them. A surprised look crossed her face, and Dean remembered that both of them were caked in dirt and blood.

“Oh my God, what happened?” The young woman said, running over to help.

Dean turned on the Winchester charm. “Hunting accident. Me and my buddy were attacked by somethin’ and he went unconscious,” he explained calmly, incredibly practiced at lying through his teeth. 

“That’s terrible! Is there anything I can do? Anyone I can call-” 

“Actually, both of our wallets are missing. Can we stay here for the night? I promise I can make it up to you.” Dean clutched Cas a bit tighter, half out of impatient concern, half for dramatic effect, showing a sad half-smile as he did so.

“No, no, don’t worry about it. I can take care of it. Oh, here. Let me get you a key,” the young woman said quickly, disappearing behind the desk for a moment and returning with a room key. She didn’t take their name. Rookie mistake. “Room 213. Down the hall and hang a right.”

“Thank you so much!” Dean said, taking the key between two fingers. He smiled at the woman, who returned it nervously, once again retreating behind her desk. Dean immediately bolted to the room, trying to keep his footsteps as quiet as possible.

He struggled a bit with opening the door, but once he was inside, Dean went straight to work. “Cas, sweetheart,” he said gently. “Fuck, please, Cas, can you hear me?” 

Cas groaned in response and then hummed slightly, trying to respond. 

“It’s alright, don’t sweat it. Let’s get cleaned up.” Dean carried Cas to the bathroom and sat him on the edge of the counter so he could lean against the mirror while Dean got undressed. He leaned his head back onto the mirror, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply. Dean watched him carefully as he stripped off his many layers of jackets, followed by his jeans.

“Dean… what’re we gonna do?” Cas slurred. 

Dean shushed him softly, calmly removing Cas’ arms from his trench coat. “Don’t worry about it right now, baby. Let’s just focus on getting clean for a minute, hm? God, I haven’t had a real shower in… hell, a year?” Cas mustered a smile and leaned his head forward to look at Dean for a moment. His eyes seemed bluer than they did in Purgatory. He missed that blue.

Dean chuckled a bit as he shook off Cas’ trenchcoat. He didn’t want to seem worried. The truth was, he had no idea what to do next. He didn’t even know exactly where they were. Should he call Sam? How was he going to help Cas when he didn’t even know what was wrong?

“Don’t worry…” Cas mumbled as Dean lifted his shirt over his head. Dean froze. _Shit,_ Dean thought. Guess his Humanity was still detectable. He thought about trying to direct Cas’ attention elsewhere, but he figured it would be better to just let the shower wash away their filth first. 

“Holy shit,” was the first thing Dean said when he felt the water hit his skin. He stayed pressed close to Cas, offering stability when Cas needed it. The water ran a deep, rusty color down the drain, saturated with nearly a year’s worth of filth. Dean scrubbed both of them down until the water ran clear again and the scent of Purgatory was replaced with sweet, orange scented shampoo.

They didn’t have any other clothes to change into, so Dean wrapped Cas in a dry towel and laid him in bed, making sure Cas was warm enough while Dean washed their clothes. He ran all of their articles of clothing under warm water and got out as much of the dirt and blood as he could. He hung the clothes across the bar of the shower curtain, wrapped himself in a towel, and went back to check on Cas.

“Cas?” Dean asked softly, not wanting to wake Cas if he was already sleeping. He snoozed peacefully and seemed to be free of any pain for the moment. Dean smiled at the sleeping angel and went straight to work.

First on the list, finding out where the hell they were. He rifled through the desk drawers until he found a travel guide in the dresser that the television sat on. _Dining Guide: Places in Lincoln, Nebraska That Are Worth the Trip!_ Lincoln, Nebraska. Perfect. Not too far from the bunker.

For the first time, Dean hesitated to call Sam. The fact that he had just come back from the dead and he didn’t want to tell his brother was shocking even to him. Listening to the dial tone drone in his ear, he gazed at Cas, still fast asleep, and hung up the phone. For tonight, he just wanted to sleep and make sure Cas was alright.

Dean walked next to Cas and examined him, trying not to disturb him too much. His body was covered in as many cuts and scrapes as Deans was, and his brow was furrowed slightly as he slept. Dean pulled the towel off of Cas’ back to examine the damage there. 

There was a thick-skinned, blotchy spot of tissue where the base of Cas’ wings used to meet his body. It was a dark, nearly black color that contrasted the smooth, tan color of his skin. Dean figured it was best not to touch the wound after learning how sensitive Cas’ wings were, and he figured that they were connected in some way.

Dean rested folded the towel back into place as gently as he could, but he still brushed the skin of Cas’ back ever so slightly. He shuddered in his sleep and Dean furrowed his brow in concern, afraid that Cas would wake up. He hushed him quietly and walked around to the other side of the bed. Dean placed a hand to Cas’ forehead as he pulled back the sheets to climb into bed. He wasn’t abnormally warm and his breathing was normal… for now he seemed perfectly at peace. This was some other type of sickness that Dean couldn’t quite place at the moment. 

For the moment, staring at the sleeping Cas wasn’t helping anyone, so Dean decided it was time to rest. He was going to savor his first sleep back topside. He rolled onto his back to stare at the blank motel ceiling and let his hand drift near to Cas, just to let him know he was there if he needed. He heard the soft rustling of bedsheets and felt Cas’ hand connect with his as he drifted off.  
__________  
Cas awoke to a dark room, once again alone in bed. He tried to lift his head to look for Dean, but a sharp pain ran down his spine before he could bend any further. It wasn’t overly painful, but it surprised him enough to fully jolt him awake. The real pain was spread over his whole body, sore and weakening. He felt glued to the bed, barely able to move. He overheard the hum of running water from the ajar bathroom door, and Cas caught a glimpse of Dean splashing the water on his face. 

He tried to say Dean’s name, but it came out raspy and quiet. Cas managed to slide his arms back to push himself upwards, groaning in pain as he did so. Dean looked up at the noise and saw Cas behind him in the mirror. 

“Cas...” he said, hurrying out of the bathroom dressed in Cas’ pants and his own button-up. “Cas-”

“Dean,” Cas said, still hoarse, though trying his best.

“You’re okay! I was so worried last night…” Dean said, joyfully, but there was a hint of panicked sorrow in his voice. “We made it out.”

“We made it…”

“What… what do you remember?” Dean asked, scratching the back of his neck. 

“I remember you,” Cas said, referring to going through the portal. Dean didn’t react, so he assumed that Dean wasn’t aware of his Humanity’s affect on Cas. His heart broke a little. “I recall… falling. Hard. And then there was a woman’s voice… and then the shower… and I remember falling asleep.” Cas tried to move while speaking, but Dean made a loose gesture, telling him to take it easy. “I remember feeling very weak,” he continued, out of breath, and it was clear to Dean that he still was.

“Do you feel better than last night?” Cas nodded.

“What hurts?”

“Everything.”

“Can you be more specific, Cas?”

“ _Everything,_ ” he tried, somewhat exhausted from being awake. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me… I seem to have undergone severe physical trauma.”

He could see Dean biting back a _“no shit”_ , but he held his tongue in favor of Cas. “I’m going to figure it out. We’re going to figure it out,” Dean said firmly. “What do you want to do now?”

Cas answered without hesitation. “I want to go home. To the bunker.” 

Dean shifted his eyes down.

“Did you make contact with Sam?” Cas asked. Dean didn’t answer. “Dean-”

“I will. I will now, okay?” Dean stood and picked up the receiver. He stalled for a moment, seemingly in thought. Cas felt a wave of Dean’s internal struggle rush through him. Suddenly, he understood. He felt this need to protect Cas: out of love, out of fear… Both kept Dean’s hand poised over the buttons instead of dialing them.

This wave of emotion from Dean’s Humanity shook Cas to his very core, more so than it ever had in Purgatory. Every nerve that caused him pain since their return ignited, flaring up with Dean’s possessiveness. It knocked the wind out of him, and he tensed momentarily. Cas side-eyed Dean in curiosity to see if he noticed his Humanity’s effect, but once again, there was no response from Dean. 

After another short moment, Dean started dialing. Cas audibly sighed in relief and Dean glanced at him nervously. Cas heard the dial tone over the receiver as Dean anxiously tapped his finger against the bedside table.

_Click!_

“ _Hello?_ ”

“Hey, Sammy… Yeah, it’s me… Yes, I promise. Cas is here too. We made it out…” Dean smiled as he eased into the conversation. Cas tried to listen, but he had trouble hearing Sam on the other end. “Whoa, whoa, slow down… Yeah, I’m alright but- … I called as soon as I could… There was a problem. I called as soon as I got- … It’s Cas. Something’s wrong… No, I’ve got no clue, but we’re gonna figure it out… I don’t know, I-” Dean flicked his eyes to Cas, then back to the wall. “Here, I’ll give him the phone,” Dean said, raising his eyebrows. Cas nodded and took the phone from Dean.

“ _Cas?_ ”

“Hi, Sam,” he said, still a bit raspy from sleep and whatever else was wrong with him.

“ _It’s so good to hear your voice. I’m a little surprised, but I’m happy._ ”

“Me too.”

“ _Dean said there’s something wrong with you. You got any clue what’s up?_ ”

“Well, I’m in a great deal of pain… I arrived to Purgatory with my wings so severely damaged that my body couldn’t heal properly from the shock of being sent to a dimension I wasn’t supposed to exist in… I didn’t have enough time to completely heal before going through the exit, and it seems to have caused me more trauma than going through the first time.”

“ _That sounds awful, man… I’m sure we can figure out a solution. I can start reading up tonight while you guys find a way--_ ”

“I want to go home. Tonight,” Cas said into the phone. He looked Dean in the eyes while he said it, partially asking permission, partially conducting his own will. 

“ _Well, I’m not on a case. I’m at home. I could start driving right now._ ”

Dean spoke up. “Cas, hand me the phone.” Cas handed him the phone. “Look, Sam, he’s very weak and I’m not sure- … Okay. Okay. _Okay_ but- … I know he wants to go home, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do… Are you sure you can help?” 

Part of Cas wanted to pipe up and say ‘I’m sitting right here, Dean’, but he held his tongue. Dean was trying to do what was best, which means he would end up doing what he thought was right. Most of the time, this was a good system, but sometimes it failed terribly. It was on it’s way there. Cas reached out a cold hand to touch Dean’s forearm. 

Dean listened to Sam in the phone as he looked into Cas’ eyes. Dean nodded. “Lincoln, Nebraska. We’re in Room 213 at a Motel 8. I think it’s about 7 miles from the Capitol. Please hurry.”

Dean hung up the phone and leaned over to kiss Cas on the forehead. His nerves flared again, but this time, it was a good feeling. Calm filled his body for a moment before anxiety replaced it once again.

“I’m sorry, Cas… I can’t help thinking that this is all my fault,” Dean started to explain. Cas raised an eyebrow. “I tried my best to find you, but I wasn’t there for so long…”

“It’s not your fault, Dean. I was hiding.”

“I’d rather you hurt me than hurt yourself-”

“Let’s stop apologizing,” Cas said hurriedly. “Like you said. Moving forward.”  
__________  
Though annoyed, Dean nodded solemnly, resigned to the facts. It was simple, really. Cas was hurt, and Dean wanted… _needed_ to make him feel better. It was so hard to see Cas in this subtle pain. His muscles looked tense and his expression was knotted. Dean knew he was hiding part of it for him.

“I sense doubt in you, Dean,” Cas said, his voice weakened from the exertion of the phone call. “Kiss me…” Cas said with pleading eyes.

“What?” Dean said, confused.

“Trust me, please,” Cas said, leaning over a bit, pressing his forehead to Dean’s. He was clammy, surely a sign of some further illness, but Dean kissed him anyway. Suddenly, a flash of Cas’ Grace lit up his body, just as it had in Purgatory. It was so purely _Cas_ that he had to pull away for a moment.

“Cas, if you’re using up your Grace on me-”

“I’m not. Just… focus on feeling it.”

As Dean continued kissing Cas’ lips, he started to feel something switch inside him. His own anxieties were replaced with Cas’ pain, twisting and unfurling in his stomach with every slide of his lips. The curious part of him pushed on until his skin set on fire and ached with phantom pain, transferred to him by Cas. There was so much weight... it was suffocating. 

“Cas, please-!” Dean protested, but Cas shut him up with another collision of their lips, chasing the high of Dean’s Humanity protecting him. Dean’s own anxiety was uncomfortable, but now he understood Cas’ pain, and he was almost glad to take it from Cas. Cas snaked a hand around Dean’s neck, pulling him in, begging him to stay.

Eventually, the weight started to grow exponentially to the point where Dean could barely take it anymore. He could feel the ghost of wings on his back, and the sharp, stabbing pain that jabbed at every nerve. Through every moment, he could feel the draining sensation- the draining of Cas’ Grace. He felt powerless as that essence of life emptied. His own panic returned alongside Cas’ hurt. Dean held on to Cas, trying to push away from the kiss.

“Baby, please! Stop it, Cas!” Dean commanded with a final push away from Cas. Their lips disconnected and his head spun as the pain rapidly faded from his body. Cas, eyes wide with shock, fell back against the headboard as the agony returned to his body.

“I-I was wrong!” Cas nearly wailed as he gasped for breath again. “I thought you might be able to feel my Grace, to understand, but I was wrong!” Dean, regaining his sanity, reached out for the hysterical Cas. “No, don’t touch me!”

“Cas!” Dean snapped, irritated, as he pulled away. He inhaled through his nose, trying to keep his composure.

“Please don’t be angry with me…” Cas said, barely a whisper.

Dean didn’t answer for a moment. Cas had thin lines of tears tracking down his face; he looked utterly defeated. Yes, it hurt to switch pain with Cas, but now he understood. If there was no automatic way to feel the constant connection with Cas from his end, Dean was going to try to connect manually.

“I’m not angry,” Dean whispered, matching Cas’ volume with strength. “You were just trying to help me understand.” Cas nodded. “You know I can take it, right? I’m Dean Fucking Winchester.”

“You’re Dean Fucking Winchester.” Cas’ eyes flitted nervously to Dean’s for a moment, and then he laughed. “I’m just Castiel.”

“You’re my Castiel,” Dean whispered. Without thinking, he kissed Cas on the forehead. He heard Cas’ breath hitch nervously, but both of them stayed where they were. He let his hand come up to Cas’ cheek, resting it there for a moment, tracing his skin with his thumb. Dean drifted his hands to the bare skin along Cas’ arms where he violently pushed him away and pulled him into a loose embrace instead. “Mine…”  
__________  
Cas let himself breathe in Dean’s citrus-scented clothes as Dean held him close to his chest. Dean was a tough guy, but Cas knew he lived for this stuff. He was always reaching out, always touching, always protecting, and that was what drove him forward. Cas enjoyed being Dean’s; it meant Dean would keep moving forward with him. 

“I’ve got some clothes in the other room for you, baby,” Dean whispered into the shell of Cas’ ear. Cas hummed slightly and nestled even further into Dean’s embrace. He wanted to make up for what had just transpired. “C’mon, sweetheart, we’ve gotta get ready for Sam to get here.”

Cas pulled away from Dean, who ran a hand through Cas’ hair. “You’re sweaty, Cas.”

“Am I?” Cas said, surprised, wiping a hand across his forehead. “I wasn’t aware that I could…” He trailed off. A look of worry crossed Dean’s face.

“Let’s get you dressed,” Dean said, walking to the bathroom to retrieve Cas’ clothes. Dean brought out his own t-shirt and jeans. “I wore your clothes because I thought these might be more comfortable. And they’re the cleanest. I hope that’s okay.”

“Yes, that’s fine, thank you,” Cas said as Dean helped him slide the black t-shirt over his head. He shifted as the fabric draped over his back so that it didn’t rub against his scar too violently. Dean swung his legs over the edge of the bed and Cas leaned on him for support as he put on the blue jeans. Both articles of clothing were a bit big on him, but he didn’t mind. They were breathable enough to keep Cas’ sensitive skin relatively pain free.

“Can you try and stand for me, Cas?” Dean asked tentatively, and Cas had to keep himself from audibly groaning in displeasure. He wasn’t even sure if he could, and he didn’t want to try. But he did, just because Dean asked him to. Dean stood up and held out his hands. Cas took them and pushed himself upwards quickly, getting light-headed in the process. “Whoa, whoa,” Dean said as he wrapped an arm around Cas’ back. “Too quick, darlin’. Be careful…” 

Cas swayed on his feet. He was barely standing on his own; Dean was the one holding him up for the most part. “This is pointless, Dean,” he sighed, fatigued. Dean guided him back down to bed.

“It’s alright, you’ll get better,” Dean said. “We’ve got nothing else to do until Sam gets here. It’s a three hour drive, but considering we just came back from the dead, he’ll probably be here in two. Do you want to rest a little more?”

Cas laid down and shut his eyes, this time with Dean by his side from the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this one! Cas is on his way to feeling much better <3


	4. As Long As I Am Able

Dean stayed awake while Cas slept so he could listen for Sam’s arrival. He made use of his time by reading the dining guide he found in the dresser, glancing at Cas occasionally to occupy his mind.

An hour and a half later, a knock came at the door. Dean leapt out of bed. He unlocked the door and opened it wide, and there was Sam, holding a bag of fast food. Dean pulled him into a hug immediately. He didn’t say a word, and neither did Sam until they pulled away.

“I, uh, thought you might be hungry,” he said, holding out the paper bag to Dean. 

“Absolutely. Thanks, Sammy,” Dean said, graciously taking the bag. “I’m gonna see if Cas wants any.”

Sam followed Dean over to where Cas was lying on the bed. Dean gently shook him awake. “Hey, baby. Sam’s here. He brought food. Do you want some?”

“No…” Cas stirred and inhaled abruptly as he tried to sit up. “Hi, Sam.”

“Heya, Cas.”

“Cas, let’s try to get out of here okay? You can sleep in the car if you want,” Dean offered. Cas nodded weakly in response. “C’mon, let’s go…” Dean picked him up and started towards the door. “Sam, can you slide the chick up front some cash? My wallet’s gone and she let us stay here last night for free.”

“Sure thing,” Sam said, following Dean out the door as he carried a half-asleep Cas to the Impala. Dean laid him across the backseat, and he was out like a light before they even started moving.

“He looks awful, Dean,” Sam said quietly as he drove, glancing in the rear view mirror at Cas. “What the hell even happened?”

“I’m not completely sure. We got separated right after we got to Purgatory and I couldn’t find him.”

“How’d you guys get separated?”

“He ran. Said my Humanity and his Grace together drew too much attention…”

“Your Humanity?”

“Yeah… He said he could feel it all the way across Purgatory. I didn’t even know he was alive, but he felt everything that I did until we got back together.”

“How’d you find him?”

“Some Leviathans were chasing me. I couldn’t fight them, so I prayed. I mean, I’d prayed before that, but he never answered… not really, anyway… He was really hurt, really fuckin’ hurt, even back there. And he still pulled me out.”

“Well, you’d do the same for him,” Sam said.

“Yeah,” Dean replied. “He needed my help… he _needs_ my help. He did some Vulcan mind-meld shit with me to try and get me to understand-”

“Do you? Understand, I mean.”

“I don’t know…” Dean said, turning slightly to look at the sleeping Cas. “He’s in a lot of pain. And he’s getting sick. And whatever he did… It was a _horrible_ feeling. Like I was being drained.” 

There was silence for a moment. Sam furrowed his brow as he thought, and Dean stared out the window and tried to let his mind go blank.

“I think I know someone we could call. Who knows about angel stuff.”

Dean snapped back to reality, his interest piqued. “Who?”

“... Gabriel.”

“Oh, c’mon on Sam-”

“Look, we don’t have another plan. Plus, he owes me one.”

“Owes you- You know what, I don’t even wanna know.”

“Relax, Dean,” Sam said, sighing slightly. “Some of his friends were being hunted while you and Cas were gone and I helped out. He’ll be happy to help.”

Dean huffed. Gabriel was a pain, but Cas needed the help. “Fine. Does that motherfucker even have a phone?”

“Yeah, I’ll call him.”

“Can you tell him to come tomorrow afternoon? I think Cas might want a little time to himself, and I want to stay in.”

“Sure thing.” Another pause. “He’s lucky to have you.” Dean didn’t answer. He wouldn’t call it luck. The moment Cas touched him he was in danger; the least Dean could do was care for him.

They continued down the road in silence, and Dean took some time to himself. He leaned his head against Baby’s window and rested anxiously until they got to the bunker. Sam parked the car in the garage and Dean lifted Cas out of the car. Home sweet home.

“I don’t want to wake him right now, but I want to be there when he wakes up. See you first thing tomorrow.” Dean said, already turning down the hall to go to his room. 

“Yeah, absolutely,” Sam said, nodding while grabbing something out of the fridge. “I’m glad you’re home, Dean.”

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in awhile! I haven't been super motivated to write, but I reread the first few chapters and decided to keep going. Hope you're well!


	5. I Will Keep You Close

Cas heard a soft voice waking him up. Before he even opened his eyes, he knew he was home.

“Morning, angel,” Dean whispered, kissing Cas on the forehead and then rolling out of bed. “How are you feeling?”

Cas stirred, adjusting to the light. Truthfully, he felt awful, but for now, he just mumbled sleepily. “What time is it?”

“Almost one. You slept a long time,” Dean said, grabbing a cleaner pair of clothes out of his drawers for Cas. “I’ve got something to tell you. When you’re ready.”

“Bad news?” Cas mumbled. Dean tossed him underwear, a worn Led Zeppelin t-shirt, and a pair of checkered pajama bottoms. There was an angel on the shirt, flying, sprawled out with thick, white-feathered wings. Cas swallowed his childish jealousy.

“Um, neutral news,” Dean said. Cas detected his true feelings. He didn’t like whatever option he had chosen, but he knew it was the only one. “Gabriel is going to come check you out and see if he can fix whatever’s up with you,” Dean said as gently as possible.

Anxiety flared in Cas. He was truly relieved that help was on the way, but his self-conscious nature returned. Cas hung his head low.

“It’ll be alright. He’ll be able to help you.”

“He’ll see my wings,” Cas said, low and worried. “They’re still not… up to par.”

“He’s a punk. We can handle him. I’m sure he’ll understand-”

“You don’t get it,” Cas snapped at Dean. “You know how Gabriel is. And they still hurt a lot. I don’t want him to see me.” 

“Cas, please. This is how we can get you better…” Dean rubbed Cas’ shoulder affectionately, and Cas could tell he was reaching for empathy. He still didn’t get it, but he was trying to. “Is there anything I can do?”

Cas bit his lip, reluctant. “Can… can you…. nevermind, it’s okay-”

“No, no, no, baby, you can say it,” Dean reassured. 

Cas inhaled. “Can you take a look at them again? Just to see if there’s anything… disgusting about them?”

Dean furrowed his brow and smiled. “Of course, Cas.”

It was going to take some focus to manifest his wings, especially when they were damaged. Cas didn’t foresee any risk in doing so, he just knew it would hurt a lot. He shut his eyes and inhaled deeply, focusing on the transition from one plane of existence to another. Pressure built up on his spine, and just as Cas thought that he couldn’t take any more, it burst. He didn’t open his eyes until he heard Dean let out a breath. 

Dean’s eyes were wide, flicking all over the expanse of Cas’ wings. He let a soft _wow…_ escape his lips. Cas pulled his knees to his chest, suddenly feeling small and scrutinized. 

“Hey, don’t hide. Look at yourself, baby…” Dean said, coaxing Cas’ to check out his own wings. They weren’t perfect, but they sure as hell looked better than they did back in Purgatory.

“Better,” Cas mumbled, shifting on the bed. Dean sensed his anxiety and moved in closer, kissing Cas’ jawbone and neck until he loosened up. Tentatively, Dean placed a hand on Cas’ wing, and it fluttered in surprise. Cas didn’t expect the touch, but it wasn’t unwelcome. “Much better,” he whispered breathily. Dean laughed against his skin.

“This is okay?” Dean said, slowly stroking the feathers and letting a hand slide to Cas’ hip.

“Perfect…”

Cas was still a bit shell-shocked from the embarrassment of showing Dean his wings for the first time, but he sensed such genuine awe and amazement from Dean that he forgot about it. He was quickly swept away in the feeling of Dean kissing him and touching, _touching_ his wings.

“Hey guys, Gabri- Oh, shit, I’m sorry!” Sam said, peeking through the door frame, trying not to stare. Cas froze, panicking so quickly that his wings returned to their original plane. Dean shot up with the force.

“Jesus, Sammy, don’t you know how to fucking knock?” Dean said, monotone enough for his words not to be wildly offensive. “What is it?”

“Gabriel’s here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, thanks for taking the time to read! i appreciate you <3

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said, I'll update as I write a bit more. Hope you're doing well, and thanks for the kudos on my last Stevebucky fic if you're here again from that!


End file.
